What if listening was a sport?  What would that look like?

Our question today came from someone who just got into a fight with their spouse.  I think listening looks like you going to the baby shower if you like it or not…

Anyway.  To answer your question, I raise a few more in an attempt to get to some kind of idea of the potential of this sport.

From an announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, up next at the 2036 Olympics is the much contested Listening Contest.  Please continue to sit quietly as the athletes take their positions on the court, where they will spend the rest of the afternoon blinking in front of a variety of story tellers.”

Comments from this new type of athlete would include things like “I want to thank my trainers, mainly The Dahli Lama and the large oak tree in my back yard.” And “All those years of being ignored because of my introversion have finally paid off.”

Could a listening competition be the intersection of religion and sport?  I’m not sure if the Pope can do tennis but he could be an immediate front-runner in this new sport of listening.

Other people who could be lifted into stardom with this new sport: old psychologists.  Grandmothers.  Your hairdresser.  Baristas and bar tenders.  Your cat. Remember the bassoon people? Yeah, they could be really good at this, too.

People who probably wouldn’t be good at this sport include most children, rock stars, or that guy at the grocery store who is talking to someone three rows down and doesn’t realize that everyone in the store can hear his booming voice going on and on about how the garbage truck doesn’t come at exactly the same time every week. And he probably drives a Polaris Slingshot, too.

What would be an appropriate prize be for winning such a listening competition?  Golden wind chimes that ring perfect triads over a series of several octaves? A sensory deprivation chamber built into your house?  Or maybe an all-inclusive vacation to a desolate cave?

How would people spectate such a sport?  After each session, every audience member claps once, in sequence, around the stadium so that every clap is heard by everyone.  Anyone who claps out of turn or makes a loud noise is asked to leave the facility by a security guard who communicates by sign language or brail, or whispering if he really needs to make a point.

The last question, and I will leave up to your imagination, is how does one fund such a sport since advertising is essentially noise?  Huh.  Let me sit here quietly and think about it.