Question: Should I date a guy with a Polaris Slingshot?

We’re going to start this one off with a little drop of the truth: Everyone knows this, everyone talks about this, but a lot of people still do it.  It sort of needs to exist because of the complexity of our world but nobody likes it… 

Online dating is horrifying.

Online dating is the raging cultural dumpster fire or our era, a wasteland of unmet expectation, unfulfilled promises, and is a fishing net of cultural oddity and bizarre crap you never knew existed.  And nobody wants to just head over to your Insta to waste 48 minutes of their life scrolling through the endless log of every picture you’ve ever taken of yourself.  You’re entirely unaware of how narcissistic you are and everyone has been to that stupid bronze colored walkway thing in Manhattan. Does Tinder have it’s own button for that thing, yet?

But there is one dating profile picture that is the ultimate red flag; a man driving a Polaris Slingshot.  This trumps neck tattoos, claims of being an animal parent, obsessive use of the world “obsessed”, and entire profiles comprised of only group photos.  Which one are you, again?  And take off your damn sunglasses because we can’t see your face, which is the point of this… never mind.  Swipe left.

The Polaris Slingshot is a unique, sporty looking three-wheeled vehicle that Harley Davidson riders purchase in an attempt to feel cooler than they are.  How these badass bikers, with their leather, chrome, and loud exhausts end up in a watered-down, plastic covered WalMart parts-bin knockoff of the timeless Morgan Three Wheeler is beyond me.  You can find a Morgan here and see what I mean.

And they aren’t exactly inexpensive.  Guys actually go out of their way and spend some cash on these things.  You can stay for an entire summer in the south of France for less than this confused motorcycle car thing that looks like it should have a roof but doesn’t. 

The problem is that they are cheap.  The whole running gear is out of a Chevy commuter car, which means it is old and lame.  Slingshots look zippy and sporty but they are actually quite large and heavy, which means they aren’t as fun as you think. And they certainly are not as fun as a motorcycle or a real sports car.  The entire thing is just reeks of bad taste and poor financial decision making.

So, when perusing online, if you see a guy who has a real motorcycle, swipe right. Sports cars, especially classic sports cars with a stick and period correct paint, always a swipe right.

Nevermind. None of these guys are on Tinder because their cool bikes and cars have already done the work for them.

Answer: If you see a Polaris Slingshot anywhere in a Tinder profile, immediately swipe left.