Question: I have a couple of cans of latex house paint in my basement that are half empty and I’m not going to use.  Do you have any suggestions for how to get rid of old paint?

Answer: First of all, the can is always half-full.  Let’s get that out of the way, first.  Second, sure, there are lots of clever ways of how to get rid of old paint.

Throw it at your neighbor’s dog

We all have that neighbor who thinks that their dog is just the cutest thing ever created.  It’s probably an awkwardly-sized, out-of-control Golden-Doodle, of which drive me crazy because of all the hyphens required to explain the damn thing. 

But you know this dog.  It is way too excited about everything all of the time, it doesn’t come to its name, and it is always looking at you with those strange eyes that look like they came out of a cat.  And every Golden Doodle looks the same. Weird.

So the next time that crazy s.o.b. comes crashing onto your deck uninvited and unannounced, just throw some paint on it to make your position clear to your neighbors about how you really feel about their dog’s complete lack of personal boundaries.  If nothing else, a little color will differentiate it from your other neighbor’s Golden Doodle.

Paint your coworker’s office when they are out sick

This one can work either way, so stay with me. 

If you like your neighbor at work and want to do something nice, usually a half a gallon of paint is enough to get a single coat on a small office.  Maybe that beautiful sage green you put up in your bathroom eight years ago will go really well in Deb’s office and will compliment her eyes.  She’ll love her impromptu work space facelift when she returns to work.

And maybe your work neighbor is a raging lunatic and so now is your chance to push them over the edge, once and for all.  (They probably drive a Polaris Slingshot…)  Remember when your daughter wanted her Candy Land themed purple striped bedroom all those years ago?  Well, Princess Lolly is about to show her surprisingly beautiful candy-queen face all over Karen’s cubical walls. 

Blast that hideous shade of “Deep Midnight Rain” all over the space and use masking tape to make quick, horribly not straight stripes, which will really sell the vintage board game feel.  Stand outside the day Karen comes back and enjoy the prospect of a new colleague as she flies through the floor like a tornado, yelling at everyone and everything for “ruining” her office.  See ya, Lord Licorice and hello Queen Frostine.

Dispose of it properly

Yeah, this is lame but probably the best of how to get rid of old paint.  Most recycling outfits take cans of paint once they are dried out.  Take off the lid and let it hang out for a few days so it can solidify, and you’re good to go.  Responsibility is cool, so follow your local guidelines and dispose of it properly.

Or pour some in a large water gun so you can spray that jerk who keeps stealing the packages off of your doorstep.  This may be the most productive way of how to get rid of your old paint.